Winter Update

My winter season began with the end of my formal language courses. While I have a good grasp of the grammar of the language, I do need much more practice communicating. Early December I traveled to Ukraine to meet together with the rest of the MCC Europe team. Throughout December I helped “Citizens Fund Panonija” in their current program by preparing young ethnic minorities for the job market. At the end of December we successfully sent off our proposal to USAID for a grant next year. I had to spend the first ten days of the new year outside of Serbia. First I spent time with some locals in a town on the border between Serbia and Bosnia. Then I traveled to the Dalmatian coast, spending my nights at a Franciscan Monastery with some fellow MCC workers.

In the Spring I will be focussing on putting together peacebuilding courses to teach in schools.

almost human

Words of Giants

Every night I meet despair
and talk with him.
He speaks in the old language,
of a time before
God hovered over the surface of the deep,
of a time when
the eternities met,
were one;
before Earth came between them.

Every night I meet despair
and eat with him.
He eats of me,
and I of him,
but his substance is my substance,
growing,
and my substance is my substance,
fading.

Every night I meet despair
and sleep with him,
but with despair there is no sensation,
just tomorrow’s agony,
no thrust
but heartbeats demanding rest;
giving perpetuity
but not procreation.

Every night I meet despair
and every morning misery,
in autumnal darkness, deepening,
sepulchral shades, diminishing,
until the sun shines soft above–
then,
when, liquid black retreating,
I feel

almost

human.

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July Update

My time at West Bank Bible Camp has come to a close. It went really well. We had some scares with a hay shortage and the appearance of Neck Thread Worms, but our operations were never interrupted. The children were able to enjoy their time and ride horses.

I am now in Regina, relaxing before I fly to Philadelphia. I’ll spend a few days with my high school friend, Seth Malone, and then begin my SALT orientation on Aug 19 in Achron, Pennsylvania. I leave for Serbia on Aug 26.

Thank you for your prayers during my time at camp. I appreciate your continued support during this transition.

I am only $1,100 short of my fundraising goal. If you still wish to make a contribution, you can check out https://donate.mcccanada.ca/registry/joshua-d-nightingale-serbia

Blasphemies and Incantations

I don’t dare speak your name
when we talk about those
       who won’t return.
It feels like blasphemy
       in my mouth
       on my tongue
to say it aloud
to make it known
how much I wish you were here
to make it known
that you aren’t.

You reign in silence
over the stillness
of my heart
     waters possibly
     going stagnant.

Your absence fills
   every crevice of my being
   stopping every crack
   that threatens breaking.
Keeping my pain
   and my loneliness
   from pouring out
         onto the world
         onto my friends
         onto the happy.

But there are nights
when the moon is bright
so black cats flicker like shadows
and heresies roam free.

Soft as breathing
    a heavy word slips from my lips
    and I say your name into the night.
A whispered incantation
    crafted throughout the day
    hidden from the sunshine.
Two syllables carefully
    woven together
    with hopes and pains
    intricately interlocked
    by worries and dreams
all in preparation
    for the appropriate moment
    when the night the darkest
    and the moon the brightest.

My tongue rises to the top of my mouth
to begin the utterance
of such a sacred name
profaned by
condescension to speech
in any other moment
but this.
My lips don’t move
but breath escapes my lungs
and my tongue rolls from
from throat to
teeth and back.

Caught by a sudden breeze
my whisper travels wherever
you are.

It is finished
to begin again next morning
in holy fervour
and end again next twilight
in mystic rite.

June Update

Friends and Family,

Thank you to those who have committed to praying for me. I trust in your continued support as in just two months I fly to Pennsylvania to begin my SALT experience.  As a financial update, I am over halfway to my goal! We have raised $3,345 of the $5,800 I need. Thanks to you who felt called to give financially.

In April, I graduated from Columbia Bible College with my BA in Biblical Studies. My parents and my older siblings visited and were able to make it a very special time. My parents were able to be a part of my last sermon given at Highland Community Church.

I spent the majority of May with my parents and younger brother in Vanderhoof, BC. I mostly worked a lot on getting the smaller details ready for SALT by going to several dentist appointments and physicals. I was given the honour of preaching on Mother’s day. It was exciting to use the material I had developed in my Exodus and Deuteronomy course in a sermon.

I am now working as the Head Wrangler at West Bank Bible Camp. Saskatchewan has not seen very much rain this spring, so hay is in short supply. The camp didn’t have any feed for their horses. We reached out to the churches in the area, and many gracious individuals have come through for us. I now have 15 horses that are being well fed and keeping me busy.

Pray for me while I am at camp. It is an intense time with every little rest and a lot of pressure. My job in particular is high-risk and carries a lot of potential dangers.

Thank you,

Joshua D. Nightingale

If you are still interested in contributing to my SALT trip financially you can donate online here, https://donate.mcccanada.ca/registry/joshua-d-nightingale-serbia.

Or you can mail it in to MCC. Tax deductible donations can be made by sending a check to MCC on my behalf. Simply complete the attached “SALT Donor Form”, attach it to a cheque made out to MCC with “Joshua D. Nightingale-SALT” on the memo line, and send to:

Canada:

MCC, 134 Plaza Drive, Winnipeg, MB, R3T 5K9

USA:

MCC, PO Box 500, Akron, PA, 17501

Favourites from 2013

Favourite Albums
Camp Counselors: Huntress (Note: It’s kinda Sp00ky)
Bibio: Silver Wilkinson
Oneohtrix Point Never: R Plus Seven
Chvrches: The Bones of What You Believe
Young Galaxy: Ultramarine
James Blake: Overgrown
Haunted Disco: Enter Through the Exit 

Most Bestest Album
Tim Hecker: Virgins

Note: The sheer amount of emotions evoked by this album is incredible. It is in a category of its own because I cannot just listen to it at any time; it requires its own space to properly affect the listener. It is the full experience of a storm, from the silence foreboding beforehand, through the chaos and to the satisfied safety of the emptiness afterward. Clearing your schedule won’t be a problem, as it sits under an hour, so as the sun begins to set and darkness encroaches, this is what you will be listening to.

Favourite Songs
Julia by David Wirsig 
Flora by Teen Daze 
Sentient by Mr FijiWiji & Tülpa 
Colombia by Local Natives  
Elements by Fractal 

Most Bestest Song
Legos (for Terry) by dosh

Favorite Books (these were not published this year, but I did experience them for the first time)
The Belgariad (5 book series) by David Eddings
Note: David Eddings does wonders with point-of-view crafting. Everything you learn as the reader is through the growing information database of the main character. POV doesn’t shift until the second to last book and you are never given the POV of the enemy. David Eddings is a master of lampshading, using what would otherwise be cliché to the best of its potential. This saga is completely immersing and its conclusion is surprisingly satisfying.

Saved from Sacrifice by Mark Heim
Note: This book has completely reshaped the way I look at the world, if that hasn’t been obvious from past articles. It is separated into three sections, the first third looks at the philosophy of Scapegoating as largely derived from Girard. The second third traces the theme throughout the Bible. The final third looks at cases throughout church history and ends with a practical application for contemporaries. Heim is able to present a complex conflict simply and conversationally.

Favourite Video Games (also not published this year, but I only bought them a month ago)
XCOM: Enemy Unknown
Dishonored GOTY
Note: There are very few video games that actually have a compelling storyline. While most of the time the plot is just a convenient excuse to shoot things, I played through Dishonored and its dlc almost non-stop so I could discover what all would happen to Corvo and Daud. “Morality Systems” in games are usually arbitrary choices that either don’t mean anything at all, or impact too much. The Chaos System in Dishonored is less about ethics, and more simply about inevitable consequences. Chaos begets chaos. My only slight qualm is how binary it is, but what morality system in a game hasn’t been? The replay value of the game is incredible as there are so many ways to go through a mission. So I may be a year late, but the dlc came out this year, so it still counts, especially since Daud’s two-part mission is even more compelling of a story than Corvo’s.

Favourite Movie
Upstream Colour
Note: It’s not worth looking at any trailers or reading any official descriptions of this movie. They are all terribly misleading. Just watch it. It is gorgeous, the cinematography is perfect. The soundtrack is compelling. The movie is even more interesting when compared to Shane Carruth’s previous work, Primer. The two are almost night and day, with the exceptions being the utterly pristine directing and sparse dialogue. Point being, if you like to experience works of art, take my word for it and watch this movie.

A Simple Solution

What if I told you that I had a solution for America’s economic decline? It’s a simple solution, really. Our unemployment problems would cease as long we sacrificed the right number of illegal immigrants. We must bring them before the feet of Abraham Lincoln across from the Washington Monument. We will bind their hands and feet with rope. The crowds will gather, chanting their allegiance to our mighty nation. When we start the ritual lawn mowers the people will fall silent with anticipation. As we slowly drive over each Latino participant, grinding their flesh, crushing their bones, freeing their illegal blood to flow down the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, America will finally be relieved of it’s economic burdens. We will have jobs again, brothers and sisters!

Don’t worry, fellow Canadians, we have a very similar solution. We can take all those Filipinos that mess up our food orders and take our jobs, and truck them to the Peace Arch. We set up barbecues along the fountains and flowerbeds. Our sacred ministers will roast them for each of us to eat. Canada will have economic peace, and be able to understand our drive-thru speakers once again.

Worried about the security of the Free Western World? We can lead a crusade against the Muslim world, lead by the harbingers of justice themselves, our nations’ leaders. The more muslims we persecute the better, for they are all fundamental radicals seeking the destruction of our homes. They started the fight, they persecute us. It’s about time our God blessed countries ended this all. A final solution for our holy war.

We have done each of these and more. We partake in these solutions even now, for it is ancient solution that has proved true through the centuries. René Girard has done incredible work tracing the development and employment of scapegoat sacrifices throughout humanity’s existence. It is our most basic human function, a flaw since society’s conception.

As a community lives its day-to-day life individuals must interact with one another. Humanity has a mimetic quality, allowing groups to progress at exponential rates as persons learn and observe each other. Mimetic psychology also explains how a group of people can descend into chaos so rapidly. As wrongs are committed and misunderstandings occur individuals become more defensive, initiating a vicious cycle of prejudices, preemptive strikes, and revenge.

In the midst of this ever-spiraling conflict, the community cries out for some sort of order. Desperate they look for the cause of their problems. After time, they realize that it must be the odd one out in the community. The sojourner, the dissident, the handicapped, or otherwise disadvantaged. The community stands in unanimous agreement: this contaminant must be purged. Frenzied with bloodlust, the crowd kills the outsider. When the dust settles, they find that it worked. Something miraculous happened. Those who were once in disagreement can now come together in friendship. Peace has come over the community and there is no more conflict. Paradoxically, the people honor that outsider that has been murdered. The individual is mythologized into some divine script.

That is the devastating truth of scapegoating: it works. There is peace after the violence, but it does not last. So it becomes a cycle, being repeated in a community over and over again. Each time it works it becomes more and more mythic. The victims are never recognized as innocent.

This is the cycle that Jesus meant to stop on the cross. He is the victim that cannot be ignored. (See Mark Heim’s excellent work, Saved from Sacrifice for a fuller treatment)

So, when we look at Jesus on the cross, we see God himself coming to throw a wrench in works of sacrificial violence. If we say Christ is Lord, then we say that God identifies with the innocent victims of our mimetic conflicts. When we see Jesus on the cross, we see the face of God and the face of every victim that has been hidden and tortured by sacrifice.

The primary principle of the concept of “Christian” is the identification of an individual with Christ. In Romans 6:4, Paul declares that baptism is a symbol of our death and resurrection with Christ. After the unmasking of the sacrificial system, we no longer just see the Divine and the Victim on the cross. We see our own face there. We identify with the victims. Furthermore, we look from the cross, and with Jesus we petition God to forgive our oppressors. With Christ we refuse to scapegoat anyone else. When Jesus resurrected he did not return with the vindictive loathing of the wrongly accused, but with outstretched hands of mercy.

I believe that systematic exclusion is just as much a part of the sacrificial mythos as the ritual killing itself. The domination of the weak, the assimilation of the unwanted, the inattention to the  disadvantaged; this is how we try to sacrifice today when killing is too overt. Granted it does not work as well, so we must do it with more frequency.

Our media tells us who to hate. Our politicians facilitate the oppression. Our communities are the very cogs of the scapegoating machines. Our individual lives make up the parts of this ancient drama. But what role do our churches play? Do we advocate the victims we claim to be buried with? Do we feed the system that Jesus died to destroy?

As a church we must untie those laid before the feet of Honest Abe. As the body of the victimized Jesus, we must douse the coals that line the Peace Arch. As the voice of the risen Lord, we must denounce the attempts to make enemies out of those who could be our friends. God has done the work, now we must live it out in our faith communities.

A Prayer for Anxious Moments

The past few days have been strewn with tension and worry, so instead of over-thinking everything and obsessively running over scenarios, I have written and continually recite this short, simple prayer:

Grant me patience
Grant me peace
Help my faith please increase

Grant me wisdom
Understanding
Put these feet on solid standing.

Grant me mercy
Grant me grace
Shine light, so I can see your face.

Intents and Purposes of this Endeavour

I have never been too keen on the blogging scene. I tried having a blog six years ago when I moved to Brazil, but it didn’t last too long. I’ve also been afraid of being too caught up in what people thought of what I was posting, and didn’t understand the concept of needing people to look at or approve of what I write. So this must be different, I said (to myself, of course). I will write and post what I have written on WordPress so that I can get into a rhythm of writing, and improve this discipline; carrying alongside that a complementing vision of, hopefully, blessing the people who read and see what has been posted. Then I promptly agreed with myself, and undertook the journey of setting up my blog. So please, contribute and comment on the chaos that is about to commence.

A final word on the title. Wild and Wandering Cries is taken from a stanza found in the introduction of Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s In Memoriam A.H.H. and reflects much of the sentiments surrounding my thoughts, conversations, and writings. That stanza will close off my introductory post.

Forgive these wild and wandering cries,
Confusions of a wasted youth;
Forgive them where they fail in truth,
And in thy wisdom make me wise.